Let’s see, global warming, collapsing economy, bloody wars, the spread of fundamentalist terrorism, spiraling health care costs, AIDS epidemic, increasing national political polarization, nuclear proliferation, famine, drought, and a variety of disease pandemics. That’s quite a plateful, and certainly enough to command the full attention of our nation. NOT!

What we’re really concerned with is where Tiger Woods has been putting his driver, and which club his wife used to register her disapproval. Now that’s news! Hmmm…a fabulously wealthy, good-looking, wildly successful, massively talented, incredibly accomplished and internationally famous man succumbs to the siren songs of a series of starstruck, gold-digging, collagen-injected bimbos who want their holes to be the ones. What a shocking surprise! Who would have thought?

Thanks, FOX news and AOL for lowering the journalistic bar in America. Thanks, my fellow citizens, for being stupid enough and sufficiently bored to follow the Murdochian agenda like a mule follows a carrot on a stick. God bless America, and God help America as it faces real problems without the informed, dedicated attention and determination of its privileged citizenry. Perhaps we will be able to solve half of the pressing problems we face before the next season of American Idol airs.